Wrapped comfortably in my Arazu's golden skin, I drifted in space, feeling lost and wondering why this suddenly felt so familiar. Not the hanging about cloaked keeping tabs on the potential targets in the system -- I've been doing that for ages, since before I could fly covert-ops ships. But the feeling of stagnation, of not going anywhere... that, I found unpleasantly familiar.
It hit me with all the subtlety and cosideration of a breeze-block in the face: I'd been here before. I'd been here with Atrocitas, with Tygris, with UnSec. Feeling trapped, going nowhere... that, plus the reconnaisance work always had come right before I realised it was time to leave. It was a predictable cycle, one I was coming to recognise too well. I'd stopped caring so much about what the others did, stopped even caring if I insulted them; I wondered if I'd get pulled up regarding what I'd said the night before and realised I didn't care about that, either. This had ceased to be fun a while ago.
'This' being our time spent in Evati flying with the Bastards. They are briliant guys and amazing pilots, there are members I care deeply about, members I like, but the group dynamic has undergone a massive shift somewhere in the last few months, and it is no longer a group I feel at home with.
I have neve felt any desire to leave the Hellcats, and that was what kept me here, I realised. I was proud to call myself a member. It wasn't even as if they were holding me back; Mynx had no problems with members doing their own things elsewhere. My base out in Molden Heath was still there, barely used because I spent so much time back in Evati still. Maybe it was time I made a more long-term jump.
I don't think Flashfresh understood why I'd hugged him good night as he left for the evening; he just kissed me back and said, 'See you later'. But somehow, it felt more final.